When arrows don't penetrate, cupid grabs a pistol!

Originally written, in a shorter and more personal form, as an email to my sister and her husband

Happy Valentine's Day dudes and dudettes! I hope you all have a nice day of romance. I have no romance going on, but I do look the part. I am wearing a nice red sweater that a wonderful girl got for me as a birthday present several years ago. As I am single, and decidedly not upset about it, I am celebrating the day with a nice dinner with a few friends. I've spent the day reading, and I'm going to finish "A Prayer for Owen Meany." I may buy Sarah Silverman's "Jesus is Magic" as a gift for myself. Straight up, this year I am my OWN valentine and let me tell you I am a sweetheart!

And now a Valentine's Day story:

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A few days ago a regular customer at Starbucks asked my friend Brendon and me what we thought of Valentine's Day. She's the type of girl who's good looking and sort of insecure about it. We're all pretty sure she has a crush on every man she meets. Anyway, so she asked about Valentine's Day. She said something awkwardly provocative like "You guys must have girlfriends to enjoy it with, right?" When we said we didn't she quickly followed with, "But when you have had girlfriends, did you like it?" She was clearly looking for some reassurance, but we weren't sure in which direction she was leaning. We're not trying to offend, of course.

Brendon said something diplomatic by saying it's nice but not a huge deal, but she was really digging for an opinion. I had actually been thinking about it recently for other reasons. I decided to try my philosophy on a real live Female and see what happened.

"The way I see it," I began, "people get too worked up about the wrong thing. Romantic love is wonderful, and certainly deserves celebration, but what's so special about February 14th? If I take my girlfriend out to a nice dinner a week before, or a week after, or on the day, what's the difference? I say, if you want to do something romantic, do it. Don't wait for some 'special' day, make today special. If you take the position that romance is worth celebrating every day, Valentine"s Day is a great excuse to have fun and there's really no pressure. And if I don't have a girlfriend, no big deal, I'll celebrate when I get one."

That'’s seriously what I said, pretty much verbatim. It just popped out as if I'd been rehearsing it (which I hadn'’t, though I'’d been thinking about it). She was pretty surprised to get a treatise like that, so she just kind of vaguely agreed and looked like she was thinking about it. We chatted about Starbucks'’ new cupcakes that are supposed to be a Valentine'’s treat, despite having no clear connection to the day. Apparently when she encountered another coworker on her way out she announced simply: "Valentine's Day."” When he looked for some sort of follow-up she said in a similar declarative manner, "Cupcakes," and walked off.

The end.

Heart-with-an-arrow-through-it,
Jack