CHI-TOWN ADVENTURE 2005

So tomorrow morning I will be going to Chicago with 3 friends of mine, Brian L. Latko, Alex Hamberger, and Andy Boron. Latko has a job interview on Monday and instead of having the company fly him out we decided to put the money towards a wicked road trip. The rule is (apparently) you have to have an awesome last name in order to come, whether it be because it rhymes with your first name (yours truly), it is fun to say every time (Latko), or it's just straight-up funny (Hamberger, Boron). The other rule is that you have to be good friends with the rest of us, which really isn't a rule. Alright, there were/are no rules associated with this trip. NO RULES!

Actually, no, I rescind again. There should be a few guidelines in order to maximize the fun and ridiculousness that is impending on this trip. Feel free to use these for road trips of your own.

1) We must leave for this trip

Everybody knows that the greatest bane of a trip is getting out the door. It seems like everyone in the world has been particularly bad about this recently. It's supposed to take 6-7 hours to get there, so I suggest we leave at about 10-10:30am. Thus, even with breaks for lunch and potty and if we hit traffic, it should drop us in the Chi-bucket around dinnertime. I am all about packing and LEAVING and not going back just because we forgot someone's favorite pair of socks.

2) Get cash before leaving

They may not have our banks in Chicago, so let's all make sure we have cash prior to going. No one is allowed to be "that guy" who doesn't have cash so he borrows in tiny increments from everyone else, eventually making his indebtedness incalculably complicated. Getting cash is the only delay I fully accept as reasonable prior to leaving, but we should do it today instead.

3) MUSIC

We will mainly be listening to iPods and CD's (preferably the former) as the radio is lame. Bring what you want to hear, or no complaints about what others bring. Shotgun is in charge of DJing/navigating/keeping driver awake, driver has the final say as to all disputes.

4) No wet dreams allowed

We will most likely be splitting some beds here. Even though I know the 4 of us are imminently non-homophobic, exposure to someone else's unconscious happenings is something we all want to avoid. This shouldn't be a problem if everyone "strokes out the easy one" (to quote Andy) sometime prior to leaving. I went to Chicago four years ago with three similarly fantastic people, and this was our rule then.

5) Everyone must drink Chai

Let's just get in the spirit of things, huh? Whether it's before we leave, on the road, or as a snack in the city, we should all celebrate Chi-town with a Chai-drink. I mean, it's only 3 letters short of CHIcAgo! You can be sure that is there was a drink called "Bulf," people in Buffalo would drink it like Canadian Beer. Or maybe not, "Bulf" sounds like a grosser drink than Chai.

Anyway, the point is this road trip is going to be flippin' sweet. The last notable detail is that we will be driving Latko's Latmobile, an Audi A4. This is a great ride, despite being a little small. (I once accidentally turned off the ignition key with my knee while driving on the highway. OOPS.) It has an attitude all its own. Imagine a world where, if someone cuts you off and you are too polite to comment, your car flips them off for you. Imagine a world where your car gives you a high-five every time you parallel park well. Imagine a world where your car is your friend, and you are glad to have him on the trip with you. This is the world of the Latmobile.

T-Minus 18 hours until liftoff!