The entry about shaving

I consider myself an expert on shaving. I have been practicing for many years, ever since middle school when my dad first showed me how to not look like a scrub. 10 years later I still have to do it a lot and carefully. When I shave I tend to think about shaving. Sometimes I try to think about other things instead, but there’s something about holding a razor against your throat that commands the attention. After all this time thinking I have accrued some nuggets of wisdom, which I believe will improve your shaving experience.

Why we shave:
We shave because it makes our faces smooth. It also makes us aerodynamic, for anyone planning on moving very quickly through any fluid.

Supplies: There are a few items you must have in order before you dive in.

1. A good razor: The most important aspect of shaving after a corporeal body, invest in a good razor. Don’t even bother with disposables. That is like shaving with a cheese grater, and will remove hair (and skin) about as well (not well for hair, very well for skin). It is worth the expense to get a good razor, and to keep it outfitted with fresh blades. Every Cub Scout knows you are more likely to cut yourself with a dull knife than a sharp one, because a sharp blade gives you more control and is less likely to skip. Most brands feature some color-changing strip that will tell you when to stop using the blade. They’re trying to get you to buy more blades, so don’t trust them implicitly. However, the moment you feel your blade catch or scrape, change it for a new one. The time and blood saved will offset the cost. I recently upgraded from the Gillette Mach 3 to the Gillette Fusion. Shaving with the Fusion is like wiping the hair off your face.



2. Warm water: Rinse your face with warm water before you begin. Warm water will open up your pores. This makes the hairs a little looser and the skin less likely to be irritated. Don’t use scalding hot water, because that is dumb.



3. Shaving cream: Find a brand that has a smell you enjoy. I have tried many different kinds and haven’t found a significant difference beyond the smell. Maybe if you have sensitive skin or something it is more important.



4. A well-lit area with a mirror: Self-explanatory.

Shaving: The act itself.

1. A big secret!: Do you know what shaving cream does? It does two things. First, the little bubbles get under the hairs and make them stand up straighter. Second, which most people do not realize, it conditions the hair and makes it softer. It acts just like conditioner for your head, and similarly must be rubbed in to the hair to work. Take a minute to massage the cream into your face, and watch your number of nicks go down.



2. Go with the grain: Shave DOWN. At least, shave down first, but we’ll get to that in a minute. Shaving with the “grain” of your hair is like sanding with the grain of wood, resulting in fewer snags. This also supposedly helps avoid ingrown hairs, which are kind of gross.



3. Don’t rush: You can’t just drag a blade across your face and expect it to feel good. Take your time, especially in dense areas. Clean blades work better, so rinse your razor often in warm water. You should rinse between every stroke. For tougher areas, use shorter strokes to maximize clean blade time.



4. Use your other hand(s): Shave an area, then feel to see if you really got it. Classic spots to miss are the top of the cheek and the back edge of the neck, as I’ve illustrated using this picture of a young Brad Pitt.
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5. Rinse, lather, repeat: After you’ve carefully shaved your whole face, rinse with more warm water. Look/feel for any spots you missed. Re-lather a little shaving cream and go over the area in a different direction than you did the first time. Now that you’ve gotten rid of most of the hair, it shouldn’t be as troublesome to go against the grain. Indeed, shaving against the grain can lift up those last few hairs and make the difference between a good shave and a perfect shave. But be even more careful, because without the protective layer of hair you are more likely to cut yourself.

Clean yourself up: Maximize the benefits of your hard work.

1. Final rinse: When you’re satisfied with your face’s lack of hair, give it another good rinse with warm water. Make sure to clean away any extra shaving cream, including around the nostrils, down the neck, and behind the ear where it tends to hide. If you miss some it will dry up, and later in the day someone will point out how unhygienic you are.



2. Cold rinse: Another big secret! You kept those pores open with warm water, now close ‘em up with a few splashes of (n)ice cold water. This will tighten up your skin a little, which feels and looks great. It will also help close any cuts and slow bleeding. I don’t suggest the Homer Simpson method of leaving little bits of tissue over cuts. Just dab excess blood off while it clots, then brush away the clots a few minutes later.

A matter of opinion:
Shaving is classically done in conjunction with a shower. Shaving after a shower will capitalize on the warm water to open your pores and will make sure your skin is nice and clean. I prefer to shave before I shower. I find that the natural oils of my skin that accumulate while I sleep help soften the hairs. Also, if I cut myself I have the shower time to clean it up, instead of running out the door with a bloody face.

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I have been planning on writing this entry since blog day #1, and here it is. It feels very good finally to have it written down. I suppose it’s like a manifesto for me. The hirsute will rise and break the bonds of oppression!