Interview with the World’s Foremost Beard Expert

I've never "reblogged" something before, as blogger doesn't have a button for it and I feel weird copy/pasting the entire content of a website posting from elsewhere, but I have never wanted to do so more than now. About two years ago I first heard an excellent interview with Dr. Christopher Oldstone-Moore, a historian at Wright State University. He is a pogonologist, or studier of beards (among other things, I presume). The interview is conducted by David Malki ! of Wondermark.com, an excellent website featuring repurposed Victorian illustrations used to make comic strips. Malki ! (the exclamation point is part of his name) is a very vocal beard advocate, so I was not surprised to see/hear him follow his interest into the academic realm.

I think it is safe to say that this interview is fascinating, even if you are not as thoroughly interested in beards as I am. Particularly notable is the discussion of the origins of shaving, and how it came to be the "default" look of men. Then later, the time when beards suddenly burst back on to the fashion scene. Both can be traced to remarkably specific historical events (hint: they are 2179 years apart)!

To quote Dr. Oldstone-Moore:
"The one thing I’m absolutely sure of is that these changes are connected to whatever conceptions we are developing of masculinity. Ultimately, it is always tied to the question of what is it to be a man, and 'how should I be a man?' That’s the existential version of that question, as a man. However that question gets answered is going to have a lot to do with what you do with facial hair. And that’s why I’m interested in studying facial hair, because I think it’s a way of looking at the history of how people think about their masculinity."

The interview is 24 minutes long, and both the mp3 and the entire transcipt (with visual aides!) can be found here:
http://wondermark.com/the-worlds-foremost-beard-expert/

Anyone who cares about me (or history, fashion, or masculinity) at all should listen to or/and read this interview.



The blogger's beard visits Glacier Point at Yosemite National Park

Logic Games and Web Comics

I'm currently reading Superfreakonomics, the followup to the popular Freakonomics. I really enjoyed the last chapter I read, titled, "Unbelievable stories about apathy and altruism." There's a really interesting part about Economics games/experiments (click for the excerpt, though the book goes even deeper on several of the topics mentioned here). I participated in one such experiment when I was in undergrad, so it was really interesting to hear the theoretical logic behind it. These experiments altered theory and "conventional wisdom" about people's behavior in surprisingly concrete ways. The chapter then goes on to describe real-world and laboratory experiments that changed the new conventional wisdom yet again. I didn't see the later developments in my brief exposure to econ experiments, so it was even more interesting to hear about the changes that have happened since then.

Hearing about these quandaries reminds me of how much fun logic games can be. The book (not the above excerpt) describes "The Prisoners' Dilemma" (note the apostrophe, which I believe to be more correctly placed than the more-common "prisoner's" since there are two people making choices). The Prisoners' Dilemma, and some of its cultural impact, is shown here in comic form. There's also the deceptively tricky puzzle: "There are two doors, one to heaven and one to hell. In front of them are two identical guards, except one always lies and one always tells the truth. You have one question to ask one guard before you make your choice and live with the consequences." It took me a while to remember how to answer this puzzle, and I'll fully admit that I don't think I could have figured it out if I hadn't heard the answer in some long-distant conversation. But in reading about it I came across this even trickier variant. It looks intimidating to read, but I found the email conversation a very thoughtful way of walking a non-logician through the problem. But if you really want to stretch your brain, try this variant.

Speaking of that, I found a new webcomic I like called

Following are some of my favs:

• Today's. What a good day to discover this site! It's like a cautionary tale for me on my laziest of days.


• ...and speaking of cautionary tales, this is a cautionary tale from the past about me on April 14, 2009, at 11:50pm. (Thank God for Tessa, by the way.)


• ...and speaking of the past, try this with your friends from The Future!


• ...and speaking of the future, it's nice to know I'll be appreciated!


• ...and speaking of books I read last year/movies I saw last week, I'm pretty sure this one's straight out of Cormac McCarthy's The Road.


• ...and speaking of the unspeakable!

Buttersafe has been enthusiastically added to my RSS reader. When reading through some of the archives I was literally laughing out loud, which, by the way, I abbrev as "LLOL."

I'm pretty sure that's how the "sideburns connected to the mustache" style was invented

DID YOU KNOW:

Shaving within sight of other dudes is basically inviting a constant chorus of "Oh man you should leave it like that! ...oh no even better leave it like THAT!"

I haven't done that in quite a while, but I've been thinking about it recently.

Photoshop Phriday

Borrowing the idea of Photoshop Phriday from achewood seems only fitting, as the entire idea of this blog was partially inspired by the blogs of the fictional achewood cast. True to form, mine is lower-tech and has 1/10,000th the readership. But, I submit, the potential for hilarity is at least equal, and quite possibly greater. I've been saving up for a good one.

Last month I was insanely busy. I was teaching a class, which I may expound on later, and the world of coaxing 12-year-old inner-city kids to be creative pretty much devoured a solid month of my life. At the end, I wanted to do something fun, something personally creative, something social that would tell the world "I am a man who is in charge of his own life again."

I present to you John E. Mack, 1972, versus John P. Mack, 2007.

(click to enlarge)

What you are looking at is my father's ID card from his first post-doctoral position at NASA in Houston next to a picture of me taken only a few days ago. The shirt, hair, and mustache are all real. Previous to this incarnation I was sporting a smartly-trimmed goatee (see to the right). People have been asking what prompted the change, and I'm pleased to leave them with "It was about that time."

The reactions have been great, particularly from my father himself who (in the words of my mother) "was quite tickled that I would go to such lengths to mimic him." My dad definitely has a distinct style. He has never paid much attention to his "look," which is what makes it so legit. He is unmistakably a college professor and scientist from toe to tip. The 70's were an era of outrageous clothing and hair (facial and otherwise), and my dad basically cruised through with a handsome, (relatively) conservative, nerdy style that helped him land a wonderful wife, a great job, and (come 1977) a beautiful daughter. Thanks to heredity, here I am 35 years later, similarly nerdy, similarly handsome, and only slightly more educated about the subtleties of looks. People have always said I look like him. I figured now was an opportunity to see how close it could get. Answer: mighty close.

It seems that Mendel may have been on to something. Or, as my friend Aron put it, I "truly [am] the fruit of his loins."

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Editor's note: Regardless of this being a digital picture posted on a blog, this was a pretty low-tech operation, notably because I don't have a scanner, digital camera, or Photoshop. The picture of me was taken with a cell phone, the ID image was a picture of a picture also taken with a cell phone, and the whole thing was pieced together in iPhoto and Microsoft Word. A slight elongation of my face is due to the tiny round lens of the cell phone camera, and I tried to blur out the shadows of my glasses on my cheeks, but other than that I assure you there is no digital magic happening here. I wouldn't know how to do digital magic if it was waiting on the couch behind me. But I can't deny genetics.

Pictures on the internet

UltimateGuitar.com is pretty great for finding tabs, and I guess other people also use it for guitar-related news and information. They tend towards nü-metal/alternative preferences, which I find ironic considering most of that guitar work is boring power chord stuff that anyone could learn in 10 minutes. Anyway, like I said I only use it for the extensive tab database (they also have non-nü-metal), but in order to access the tabs you have to see the homepage. The other day this image spanned the page, see if you notice the same thing I did:



That's right: all the dudes in nü-metal bands look the same. They all have the same goatees, the same gross hair, and even tilt their heads at the same angle. Even these guys have more variety. Maybe when they say it's "alternative rock" they mean that it's an alternative name for the same band. "Sevendust releases new album, this time calling themselves 'Nickelback.' A follow-up as 'Chimaira' is expected soon."

Second up in the weird internet-pictures series are the following gems from myspace's log-off page:





Now, I'm single. I wouldn't mind a girlfriend. I didn't know it was girlfriend season, but I was already keeping my eyes open so I guess now it's legal. And what am I keeping my eyes open for? You guessed it: chicks tearing off their jewlery while grabbing their boobs, and chicks who are soaking wet from the shoulders down and are pointing at me with their nipples. Actually, scratch that first one. If I can't see the nipples straight up then I don't think she's the girl for me. My priorities lay mainly on nipples.

On the same goodbye page from myspace (where I am registered as a heterosexual man) I also received this reminder:



Apparently right after girlfriend season is boyfriend season. It seems strange for them not to coincide, for the sake of each other, but for me at least it gives me another chance. If "wabbit season" ends and I still haven't caught me a girlfriend, then I just call "duck season" and wait for them to find me. That's why I've been working out:











See?

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edit 4/6/07

Oh my gracious. I'm sure I'm supposed to be enticed by her perky breasts, but I am far to terrified of the rest of her. I hope this is photoshopped somehow and isn't what she actually looks like.

No zen, no motorcycle. Just maintenance and a dash of art.

Me, last night.

Me, today.

A man's beard can only take him so far in this world. After that, hit the books and get to steppin'.

News Flashes!

I have gotten enough sleep two days in a row! I even got to wake up naturally with no alarm. It feels incredible, especially since the day before that I was awakened by my boss calling me at 6:10am to remind me that I was supposed to be there at 6am. I had to leap up from my (until-then perfect) slumber and rush in all groggy and unbathed. It was uncomfortable! I had thought I was supposed to be there at 6 PM. This is the danger of working at a place that is open for 16 hours a day.

In related news, having only one job is glorious, especially when you are scheduled to work in the late morning or afternoon. Tomorrow I am not working at all, so the chances of me getting enough sleep three nights in a row are quite good. In other words, do not call me tomorrow morning. Afternoon would be fine/great!

In sports, while eating breakfast this morning I managed to get Corn Flakes all over myself! I was not doing anything extraordinary while eating (jumping, running, battling, etc.), just sitting at the computer and eating. I hope this is not a sign of a degenerative cereal-eating problem, because cereal is one of my favorite foods.

I found a cell-phone headset that makes it legal and easy for me to talk on the phone while driving. A great thing to do while driving longer distances is to call old friends and (a) catch up; or (b) wish them well! It is entertainment for you and makes them happy, a win-win! That is, assuming that people want to hear from you. If they don't maybe try a book on tape that could help you with social skills?

I am considering my Halloween costume for this year. It's never too early to start! Given that I have a beard, and usually I do not, I am thinking of using/altering it in some creative way to make or embellish a costume. I have several good ideas, but suggestions are welcome! Good and bad ideas only, please.


Epilogue: I am not sure if the "celebrity gossip column"-style use of bold text enhanced my writing or undermined it. I was always taught that good writing should not need gimmicks like italics, CAPITALIZATION, or even ex(!)clam(!)a(!)tion points to come across with proper emphasis. But sometimes you have to say FUCK THAT because it's fun!

Also: cussing!

splash

I have taken the plunge. Not only did I get a job, but I have broken my lifelong streaks of working in neither retail nor food service. However, if I must work in one or the other, I think I have made a wise choice.

I am now a Baristo at Starbucks.

Let it be known that baristo is not a Starbucks corporate-sanctioned term. But I'll call myself a barista when I call myself a "ragazza" or a "muchacha." NOT LIKELY.

*

On a totally disparate note, I noticed that today is the day when I finally shove the SHAVIFESTO off the bottom of my blog. Maybe it's appropriate, since I now have a beard? I still think it's pretty good. Is it weird or conceited to look back on random things one wrote on the internet when one was idle and think, "Well done, One, that is amusing to me still!"? I hope it is not. I definitely do that sometimes and I'm NOT STOPPING. In fact, you should too! If it wasn't amusing (or at least diverting) for ourselves we wouldn't do these things, so we should enjoy them more than once. Considering my limited/possibly-nonexistent audience, I know I do.

The entry about shaving

I consider myself an expert on shaving. I have been practicing for many years, ever since middle school when my dad first showed me how to not look like a scrub. 10 years later I still have to do it a lot and carefully. When I shave I tend to think about shaving. Sometimes I try to think about other things instead, but there’s something about holding a razor against your throat that commands the attention. After all this time thinking I have accrued some nuggets of wisdom, which I believe will improve your shaving experience.

Why we shave:
We shave because it makes our faces smooth. It also makes us aerodynamic, for anyone planning on moving very quickly through any fluid.

Supplies: There are a few items you must have in order before you dive in.

1. A good razor: The most important aspect of shaving after a corporeal body, invest in a good razor. Don’t even bother with disposables. That is like shaving with a cheese grater, and will remove hair (and skin) about as well (not well for hair, very well for skin). It is worth the expense to get a good razor, and to keep it outfitted with fresh blades. Every Cub Scout knows you are more likely to cut yourself with a dull knife than a sharp one, because a sharp blade gives you more control and is less likely to skip. Most brands feature some color-changing strip that will tell you when to stop using the blade. They’re trying to get you to buy more blades, so don’t trust them implicitly. However, the moment you feel your blade catch or scrape, change it for a new one. The time and blood saved will offset the cost. I recently upgraded from the Gillette Mach 3 to the Gillette Fusion. Shaving with the Fusion is like wiping the hair off your face.



2. Warm water: Rinse your face with warm water before you begin. Warm water will open up your pores. This makes the hairs a little looser and the skin less likely to be irritated. Don’t use scalding hot water, because that is dumb.



3. Shaving cream: Find a brand that has a smell you enjoy. I have tried many different kinds and haven’t found a significant difference beyond the smell. Maybe if you have sensitive skin or something it is more important.



4. A well-lit area with a mirror: Self-explanatory.

Shaving: The act itself.

1. A big secret!: Do you know what shaving cream does? It does two things. First, the little bubbles get under the hairs and make them stand up straighter. Second, which most people do not realize, it conditions the hair and makes it softer. It acts just like conditioner for your head, and similarly must be rubbed in to the hair to work. Take a minute to massage the cream into your face, and watch your number of nicks go down.



2. Go with the grain: Shave DOWN. At least, shave down first, but we’ll get to that in a minute. Shaving with the “grain” of your hair is like sanding with the grain of wood, resulting in fewer snags. This also supposedly helps avoid ingrown hairs, which are kind of gross.



3. Don’t rush: You can’t just drag a blade across your face and expect it to feel good. Take your time, especially in dense areas. Clean blades work better, so rinse your razor often in warm water. You should rinse between every stroke. For tougher areas, use shorter strokes to maximize clean blade time.



4. Use your other hand(s): Shave an area, then feel to see if you really got it. Classic spots to miss are the top of the cheek and the back edge of the neck, as I’ve illustrated using this picture of a young Brad Pitt.
   This leads us to…



5. Rinse, lather, repeat: After you’ve carefully shaved your whole face, rinse with more warm water. Look/feel for any spots you missed. Re-lather a little shaving cream and go over the area in a different direction than you did the first time. Now that you’ve gotten rid of most of the hair, it shouldn’t be as troublesome to go against the grain. Indeed, shaving against the grain can lift up those last few hairs and make the difference between a good shave and a perfect shave. But be even more careful, because without the protective layer of hair you are more likely to cut yourself.

Clean yourself up: Maximize the benefits of your hard work.

1. Final rinse: When you’re satisfied with your face’s lack of hair, give it another good rinse with warm water. Make sure to clean away any extra shaving cream, including around the nostrils, down the neck, and behind the ear where it tends to hide. If you miss some it will dry up, and later in the day someone will point out how unhygienic you are.



2. Cold rinse: Another big secret! You kept those pores open with warm water, now close ‘em up with a few splashes of (n)ice cold water. This will tighten up your skin a little, which feels and looks great. It will also help close any cuts and slow bleeding. I don’t suggest the Homer Simpson method of leaving little bits of tissue over cuts. Just dab excess blood off while it clots, then brush away the clots a few minutes later.

A matter of opinion:
Shaving is classically done in conjunction with a shower. Shaving after a shower will capitalize on the warm water to open your pores and will make sure your skin is nice and clean. I prefer to shave before I shower. I find that the natural oils of my skin that accumulate while I sleep help soften the hairs. Also, if I cut myself I have the shower time to clean it up, instead of running out the door with a bloody face.

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I have been planning on writing this entry since blog day #1, and here it is. It feels very good finally to have it written down. I suppose it’s like a manifesto for me. The hirsute will rise and break the bonds of oppression!

Beardo

So whenever I'm away from my lady for a few days it seems inevitable that I grow a beard. Chicks dig a well-groomed man. I suppose that while the dog has earned the title of "man's best friend" the barber is the girl's best friend. This hypothesis is further supported by the revelation that dogs and barbers have opposite effects on the amount of hair/fur that is on a person. Read that over. In my world, this is how logic works.

I got my hair cut fairly recently. I noticed that without the darker hair of my scalp in the mix, the hair you see when my sideburns are short is strikingly red. As the days pass without a lady to shave for, I notice that the hair on my face and particularly on my chin is also red. I remember when I grew a beard a few years ago that it was a little red, but it seems even moreso now. This got me thinking: If all of my hair was the half-dark/half-red mix of my beard, I would look so cool. It adds texture and warmth to the look because there are multiple colors and shades going on. Alas, my head is mixed instead with a light salting of white hairs. Perhaps as I age the whole thing will turn into a red/brown-black/white kaleidoscope?

In semi-related news, my sister asked me last week if I wanted to be the "celebrant" (for lack of a better term) at her wedding this summer. She and her boo are getting legally married beforehand, but they want me to lead the ceremony for the friends/family! She said I have a good voice for it, and I could be "appropriately regal." Perhaps this summer I will grow a beard to look the part. It would be an appropriate time for it since I'll be living in my parents' house, so I will probably be removed from anything having to do with ladies. The only problem is that beards, especially new beards, can be warm and itchy. Not exactly ideal for the hot and humid Buffalo summer. Maybe Alice will move the wedding to the winter, to better suit my beard-needs.