A small thought

Well I guess I've been pretty delinquent about posting ever since my shãvifesto. So here is a thing I thought of.

I bet that the little keychain remote controls that lock your car from a distance really help people with OCD. When one pushes the "lock" button once, one's car locks. When one pushes the button again, the car usually beeps, flashes its lights, or both. Thusly, instead of having to go all the way back to the car to compulsively make sure all the doors are locked, a person suffering from OCD needs only to get within distance of the remote control. Hopefully the person does not start worrying that the remote isn't working, particularly if the car still beeps.

To all the car manufacturers who read this blog: good work! You may not have cured people dealing with OCD, but you've saved them some walking.

The entry about shaving

I consider myself an expert on shaving. I have been practicing for many years, ever since middle school when my dad first showed me how to not look like a scrub. 10 years later I still have to do it a lot and carefully. When I shave I tend to think about shaving. Sometimes I try to think about other things instead, but there’s something about holding a razor against your throat that commands the attention. After all this time thinking I have accrued some nuggets of wisdom, which I believe will improve your shaving experience.

Why we shave:
We shave because it makes our faces smooth. It also makes us aerodynamic, for anyone planning on moving very quickly through any fluid.

Supplies: There are a few items you must have in order before you dive in.

1. A good razor: The most important aspect of shaving after a corporeal body, invest in a good razor. Don’t even bother with disposables. That is like shaving with a cheese grater, and will remove hair (and skin) about as well (not well for hair, very well for skin). It is worth the expense to get a good razor, and to keep it outfitted with fresh blades. Every Cub Scout knows you are more likely to cut yourself with a dull knife than a sharp one, because a sharp blade gives you more control and is less likely to skip. Most brands feature some color-changing strip that will tell you when to stop using the blade. They’re trying to get you to buy more blades, so don’t trust them implicitly. However, the moment you feel your blade catch or scrape, change it for a new one. The time and blood saved will offset the cost. I recently upgraded from the Gillette Mach 3 to the Gillette Fusion. Shaving with the Fusion is like wiping the hair off your face.



2. Warm water: Rinse your face with warm water before you begin. Warm water will open up your pores. This makes the hairs a little looser and the skin less likely to be irritated. Don’t use scalding hot water, because that is dumb.



3. Shaving cream: Find a brand that has a smell you enjoy. I have tried many different kinds and haven’t found a significant difference beyond the smell. Maybe if you have sensitive skin or something it is more important.



4. A well-lit area with a mirror: Self-explanatory.

Shaving: The act itself.

1. A big secret!: Do you know what shaving cream does? It does two things. First, the little bubbles get under the hairs and make them stand up straighter. Second, which most people do not realize, it conditions the hair and makes it softer. It acts just like conditioner for your head, and similarly must be rubbed in to the hair to work. Take a minute to massage the cream into your face, and watch your number of nicks go down.



2. Go with the grain: Shave DOWN. At least, shave down first, but we’ll get to that in a minute. Shaving with the “grain” of your hair is like sanding with the grain of wood, resulting in fewer snags. This also supposedly helps avoid ingrown hairs, which are kind of gross.



3. Don’t rush: You can’t just drag a blade across your face and expect it to feel good. Take your time, especially in dense areas. Clean blades work better, so rinse your razor often in warm water. You should rinse between every stroke. For tougher areas, use shorter strokes to maximize clean blade time.



4. Use your other hand(s): Shave an area, then feel to see if you really got it. Classic spots to miss are the top of the cheek and the back edge of the neck, as I’ve illustrated using this picture of a young Brad Pitt.
   This leads us to…



5. Rinse, lather, repeat: After you’ve carefully shaved your whole face, rinse with more warm water. Look/feel for any spots you missed. Re-lather a little shaving cream and go over the area in a different direction than you did the first time. Now that you’ve gotten rid of most of the hair, it shouldn’t be as troublesome to go against the grain. Indeed, shaving against the grain can lift up those last few hairs and make the difference between a good shave and a perfect shave. But be even more careful, because without the protective layer of hair you are more likely to cut yourself.

Clean yourself up: Maximize the benefits of your hard work.

1. Final rinse: When you’re satisfied with your face’s lack of hair, give it another good rinse with warm water. Make sure to clean away any extra shaving cream, including around the nostrils, down the neck, and behind the ear where it tends to hide. If you miss some it will dry up, and later in the day someone will point out how unhygienic you are.



2. Cold rinse: Another big secret! You kept those pores open with warm water, now close ‘em up with a few splashes of (n)ice cold water. This will tighten up your skin a little, which feels and looks great. It will also help close any cuts and slow bleeding. I don’t suggest the Homer Simpson method of leaving little bits of tissue over cuts. Just dab excess blood off while it clots, then brush away the clots a few minutes later.

A matter of opinion:
Shaving is classically done in conjunction with a shower. Shaving after a shower will capitalize on the warm water to open your pores and will make sure your skin is nice and clean. I prefer to shave before I shower. I find that the natural oils of my skin that accumulate while I sleep help soften the hairs. Also, if I cut myself I have the shower time to clean it up, instead of running out the door with a bloody face.

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I have been planning on writing this entry since blog day #1, and here it is. It feels very good finally to have it written down. I suppose it’s like a manifesto for me. The hirsute will rise and break the bonds of oppression!

R&B discussion

Morgan Dontanville to Jack @ 2:48 pm

Ok Jack, of anyone I know you might be able to explain it to me.

At what point did R&B switch from singing songs to just talking like Usher switching back and forth between A and B.

So they will just talk some nonsense "singing" A, A, B, A, A, B, B, A, A, B etc.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Morgan


The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.

--H. P. Lovecraft

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John Mack to Morgan 6:59 pm

I think I know what you mean, and I think I know the answer. R&B used to be about really good songwriting. It was the black equivalent of Rufus Wainwright or Billy Joel or whoever else you might call a "singer-songwriter." Every song has a "life" and a story, and singles were chosen by which of those songs was the best and most sellable. That's why Stevie Wonder and Marvin Gaye albums are such beautifully orchestrated collections.

R&B used to be more closely associated with soul and gospel where the artistic content was at least as important as the inspiration towards hip-shaking. R&B (and hip hop, for that matter) is now all about the dancey and/or radio-ready single. Instead of a songwriter creating a piece of art that will carry emotion or a message, a few catchy beats and a hook get filled in with whatever is necessary to make the song 3 minutes long. Once they have a few single-worthy tracks, the album is stuffed with filler so it can be 10 tracks long. You know this, that's how pop music works. I guess that's the difference: R&B is now seen as a sub-genre of pop, instead of an artistic and cultural world all its own. Instead of Stevie Wonder working out exactly which chord progression will bring the best effect to the song he's been working on this week, Usher goes in to the studio with a few beats and hooks prepared for him, knowing that most of the work of the album is done. No one listens past the beats and hooks on those few singles anyway. I can't believe that the iTunes music store and other buy-1-song stores haven't eliminated the need for Usher to make full albums, but I guess they probably put so little work into the filler tracks anyway that it's worth it. Basically they're selling a collection of 3 singles for the price of a full album, with very little extra work.

There is, however, great R&B still being made. Common's last album ("Be") was about half great hip-hop and half great R&B. I just picked up Gnarls Barkley's (DJ Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo) "St. Elsewhere" and I've been really digging on it. It's just straight-up R&B at its best. Check it out, every song is so well crafted and it sounds so good.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Thanks for the question, it was interesting to think about.

<3 Jack

--
"Try to learn something about everything and everything about something." - Thomas H. Huxley English biologist (1825 - 1895)

Throwin' 'bos

There are basically two types of temp jobs. One is where they have some unreasonable task for you to do, usually in the form of too much simple work and occasionally in the form of one ill-advised task. The other type of job is where there somebody in an office is missing and they need a warm body to fill their space. Often in this type of job the rest of the office is covering for any work that requires actual knowledge, so the temp is left with little-to-nothing to do. Today is the quintessential example of the latter type. I guess it is worth $10.45/hour to them to make sure that there is sufficient weight occupying this chair. (Could my job be done by a stack of phonebooks? It might be rude to phonebooks to ask.) The day is half over and the phone has rung three times, twice for me (the temp agency) and once someone who just wanted to leave a message, and instead of leaving a voicemail she had to wait while I wrote it down. This type of job is exactly why temping is great for about six months, and exactly why it's mind-numbingly awful after a year. But dude's got to get paid, yo.

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Thoughts and Story from Later in the day: I am working today at University Hospitals department of Nephrology and Clinical Hypertension. This is a hospital, people, show some respect. I understand that this idea flies in the old faces of old people who think that since they are old (and, exacerbatingly, sick) they can and should do whatever they want. I understand the sentiment, because when I am old I hope that I will be respected, even if I am acting strangely. However, I also hope that people do not think that the obligation to respect me is in conflict with general politeness and safety for others.

There are signs everywhere. Small and plastic, the signs say

"Cell Phones
Are not to be Turned on
in This Building"

(sic)

As this is a research/testing part of the hospital, I assume the restriction on powered cell phones is to avoid disturbance of delicate instruments that keep people healthy. That's what hospitals are for, to house those devices and the people who know how to operate them.

There was an elderly woman shuffling by in the way elderly people do. She looked like a patient who had visited the hospital's devices and people, and was now leaving. From the very large bag slung over her shoulder issued a very loud series of beeps. I heard the beeps and knew that they were supposed to paraphrase the famous Hallelujah Chorus. The only people who would program those beeps are cell phone people, and the only thing that would produce them would be a cell phone. She was within sight of two, possibly three signs that said

"Cell Phones
Are not to be Turned on
in This Building"

My first reaction, and the catalyst for this exploration, was that I wanted to pick up the sign on the counter next to me and throw it at her. The phone kept beeping, and she kept shuffling, and I kept watching and wanting. Those verbs all kept happening, but the phone stopped first, of it's own accord.

When I am old I will consciously try to be more polite than my cell phone or other period-relevant technology. If a young person throws a sign at me, I will accept a copy of this text as explanation. Perhaps you should bookmark it, just in case.