how do you like your blueeyed boy
Mister Death?


also...

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times. Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

This makes me say "awww, man!" You always take these "Which genre thing Are You?" things hoping that it will say something really cool or profound, maybe even creepily accurate. ("You are smart and social and make good first impressions, but you have goals that you find hard to prepare for and often get lost in escapist fantasies when you should be doing something productive. You are... any band purported to be the "next Radiohead"?) But then they end up with something horoscope-bland. It irritates me that they're always complimentary too. They want you to link to them, so obviously they're not going to say anything bad, but wouldn't that be more interesting?

You are Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin
You are possibly the worst movie ever made.
Perhaps you should consider killing yourself?

Go-Go Gadget Needlenose Pliers

I nailed a fence today. YES I DID. OH, YES I DID.

Before I knew about Alan Moore, Frank Miller, and Neil Gaiman

Sometimes you have to remember what meant to be 13 years old. You've got to respect that, that version of you, and the things you did and experienced. Those were formative times. Those things became you, and many are still with you right now in some way. Maybe by looking back you can figure out where you're going next.

I just finished watching The Punisher (the 2004 version with Tom Jane, not the 1989 version with Dolph Lundgren). I don't care if isn't very good. I liked it. First of all, I'm willing to admit that I LOVE sci-fi/fantasy/action movies of any kind. I loved Van Helsing, enough said. But that's not the whole story with The Punisher. We have a past, he and I. I have a personal history with this fictional character. When I was about 11-14 years old I used to read a LOT of comic books, and the three titles devoted to The Punisher were my favorites. I didn't just read those stories, I absorbed them. Every part of my life was pervaded by what I read and saw in those comics. For example:

• I have a huge poster of the Punisher on the wall of my bedroom. (A color version of this with the logo.) When I moved back in with my folks I changed a lot of things about the room, but not that.


• I have three big boxes of comic books from my old days. One of the boxes is entirely filled with Punisher comics.


• My first email address was PunisherJM@aol.com. Occasionally family members or super-old friends will still ask me if that's my email address.


• The girl I was dating in 8th grade wrote lots of notes to her friends and me. She liked to use little symbols instead of names in case, I suppose, the message was intercepted. I chose the Punisher symbol. I had my girlfriend write me notes where she referred to me as a skull.


• I wrote a comic book, that I found over a decade later, that was dedicated to the Punisher. Though it was not about the Punisher at all, it had Punisher quotes on the back cover.


• I think I learned more about patriotism, respect for the flag, and knife/gun safety, from the Punisher comics than I did from being in Cub Scouts for three years. That thing sucked.

I've recently been going back and re-reading those old comics, Punisher and all the rest. Some of it blows me away with how genuinely funny, emotional, profound, or in any other way mature it is as fiction, as art. Right next to that is the worst pulp I could imagine, way worse than I remembered (and I remembered laughing at it then). The stories don't make sense, the dialogue is shameful, and even the art is pitiful. Where did they find these guys? I mean, any freshman art student can draw a face, any semi-cogent reader should be able to make two consecutive panels depict a sensible punch to the face. Most of it is in the middle: just fun reading, nothing special, nothing bad.

But those good ones, they're worth all the bad/mediocre ones and more. Those special comics are magic. Even today they can connect everything I appreciate about art as an adult with everything I loved about art as a kid. It's not nostalgia, it's real again.

This one is for the sleepovers when we'd stay up until all hours playing Street Fighter II: Turbo, watching the precursors to modern-day sci-fi/fantasy/action movies, and carrying on. This one is for the kid who watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie so many times that he really felt confident if he ever had to get in a fight. This one is for the version of me that wondered if I would/should grow up to be a badass vigilante.

It was more than escapist fiction, it was a stone-cold reality to that 12 year old, and without it I certainly wouldn't be the person I am today.

Peace, Frank.

News Flashes!

I have gotten enough sleep two days in a row! I even got to wake up naturally with no alarm. It feels incredible, especially since the day before that I was awakened by my boss calling me at 6:10am to remind me that I was supposed to be there at 6am. I had to leap up from my (until-then perfect) slumber and rush in all groggy and unbathed. It was uncomfortable! I had thought I was supposed to be there at 6 PM. This is the danger of working at a place that is open for 16 hours a day.

In related news, having only one job is glorious, especially when you are scheduled to work in the late morning or afternoon. Tomorrow I am not working at all, so the chances of me getting enough sleep three nights in a row are quite good. In other words, do not call me tomorrow morning. Afternoon would be fine/great!

In sports, while eating breakfast this morning I managed to get Corn Flakes all over myself! I was not doing anything extraordinary while eating (jumping, running, battling, etc.), just sitting at the computer and eating. I hope this is not a sign of a degenerative cereal-eating problem, because cereal is one of my favorite foods.

I found a cell-phone headset that makes it legal and easy for me to talk on the phone while driving. A great thing to do while driving longer distances is to call old friends and (a) catch up; or (b) wish them well! It is entertainment for you and makes them happy, a win-win! That is, assuming that people want to hear from you. If they don't maybe try a book on tape that could help you with social skills?

I am considering my Halloween costume for this year. It's never too early to start! Given that I have a beard, and usually I do not, I am thinking of using/altering it in some creative way to make or embellish a costume. I have several good ideas, but suggestions are welcome! Good and bad ideas only, please.


Epilogue: I am not sure if the "celebrity gossip column"-style use of bold text enhanced my writing or undermined it. I was always taught that good writing should not need gimmicks like italics, CAPITALIZATION, or even ex(!)clam(!)a(!)tion points to come across with proper emphasis. But sometimes you have to say FUCK THAT because it's fun!

Also: cussing!

Don't be afraid of "me"

Listen up, users of English. I'm looking particularly hard at users of the internet who post pictures for the public to view. I am tired of being offended. I'm sick of all the obscenity. The assault on my eyes, mind, and sense of decency has gone on long enough, and it's time to set you all straight.

This is a brief synopsis on when to use "I" versus "me."

Don't worry about the actual rule, I'll teach you a simple trick that is accurate 100% of the time. All you have to do is take your sentence and make it as simple as possible. Take out any extra people's names, places or times. Then look to see if your I/me use makes sense. When you add the other people back in, put your name at the end.

So:
"Ashley, Kelly and I at midnight at the pool in Cancun! Wooo!"
becomes....
"I at the pool!"
Does that sound right? No, instead you would say Me at the pool or if it's clearer This is a picture of me at the pool. (It should not sound right to say "This is a picture of I at the pool." That doesn't work ever.) Make sense? The caption should read...
"Ashley, Kelly and me at midnight at the pool in Cancun! Wooo!"

Let's try another:
"In this picture me and Tiffani are at the bar."
Now this one would be simplified to Me am at the bar which is totally wrong unless you're in Bizarro World. Of course you would say I am at the bar. So then simply add the other name with yours at the end:
"In this picture Tiffani and I are at the bar."
HOWEVER...
It would be wrong, and arguably worse, to have the caption be "Tiffani and I at the bar." Why? Because that would be simplified the same way as the first example: "This is a picture of I at the bar." You would say "This is a picture of me at the bar" and thus you would say "This is a picture of Tiffani and me at the bar" or simply "Tiffani and me at the bar."

That is the number one mistake of this kind that I notice: people who know that there is a difference between "I" and "me," and think that "I" is supposed to be more proper, so they use it when they actually would have been right using "me."

Is this making sense?

Just make the sentence as clear and simple as possible, then look at your pronoun choice. Why don't you try some with this random girl's pictures I found on myspace (I don't know her):
Jenn and I at Club Sin- yeah we know we look good:)
Jenn, Ash, and I before a night out in Toledo
Me and the girls in Key West:) We had so much fun!

Did you get them? In all three cases the correct pronoun choice was "me!" See? Don't be afraid of "me," it's more proper than "I" in myriad circumstances. Now go out there and properly label things, and use the same trick to speak good too!

6R4MM3R 15 C00L!

Today, this evening, in the last two hours and within two minutes of each other, the internet has delivered me something wonderful and something awful. Neither would have been possible without the internet. (I've erased this sentence too many times, I'm skipping it.)

I'm not surprised that the internet can bring people together in good and bad ways. I've had both happen to me prior to this evening. But the congruence of both happening consecutively and in such disparate ways has honestly shocked me. I'm shocked at how shocked I am.

I knew the internet had me all figured out, all recorded and compiled, but I didn't think it would ever reach out and poke me in the brain like this. I didn't think it could flip those "elation" and "despondency" switches at the same time, and in me. In ME. I didn't know this could all get so personal.

You made it personal, Internet. You came in my house, climbed in my head, and made it personal. Then you gave me a handy list of antonyms to describe my reactions.

...so I figured it was only fit and proper to write about it on the internet. Man, forget you. I'm going to good, old-fashioned SLEEP.

Kathy's Song

Tonight I had the interesting privilege to hear The Paul Simon Songbook. It's pre-fame, and (for the most part) pre-production. It's a raw example of how Paul Simon cut his teeth in his early songwriting/recording career. It shows that he was destined for greatness from the start.

As an aside, I feel it's relevant to mention here that Paul Simon is my favorite since way back. The whole story is for another day, but for now suffice it to say that he is sort of my "musical father."

Everyone at my friend's house had at least a working knowledge of Simon, and Simon and Garfunkel, so this early work great discussion fodder for late in an evening. About halfway through the album we all took pause as we were drawn in to one of the most captivating pieces: "Kathy's Song." For me, the reason it was so fascinating went beyond the delicacy of the poetry or the purity of the music. The most interesting part was that the early demo sounded almost precisely like the later, studio recorded version. In the 60's a producer could completely change the sound of a song as he saw fit. In fact, the sleepy, creepy folk/acoustic version of “The Sounds of Silence” was changed into the folk/rock version that we all know and love, and rocketed Simon and Garfunkel into stardom. In the case of "Kathy's Song" something elevated it above the rest, so when the producer was deciding how it should sound he decided not to change or add a note.

On the way home I was inspired to listen to the version that I knew. Sure enough, beyond better equipment there are no notable changes. Art Garfunkel is nowhere to be found, nor are the strings and over-production that were commonly added to folk songs in the 60's. It's just Paul Simon, his voice and poetry and guitar, against the weight of the world. It washed over me. I absorbed it. I got choked up. I was inspired down to the very essence of what I call "me." I really, really heard it.

Kathy's Song is one I have heard scores, if not hundreds, of times before. Yet this time it reached across 40 years and down to the core of me. I am glad to know that I can still feel that revelation from music, and from Paul Simon specifically. I am glad to know that I can still feel that much. I have been in a safe place for a while, with nothing to push me too hard in any direction. In a way, it's important for me to know that I am still vulnerable. I don't want to become so comfortable that all my doors are closed. If nothing else in my life is going to do it, music will still break me, and rebuild me in a new place.

I saw a race!

At about 2am on Saturday morning, I witnessed a real-life race on the STREETZ. I was driving home on a fairly big road (2 lanes each way at 45mph) and I stopped at a stoplight behind this big, red pickup truck. The light turned green and we both accelerated through the intersection. Just as he reached the other side, well into his acceleration but not at full speed, this little silver sorts car zoomed by in the left lane. Instantly, the truck put his weight on it and the race was ON! Against my better judgment, I had to speed up and follow this. This was a thing, and I knew it. Soon the giant engine of the truck brought him necks with the sports car and they evened out. They zoomed even faster right next to each other. Then, strangely, they both hit their break lights and slowed down, but stayed perfectly even. There was no stop light, no other traffic, they just slowed down to a moderate clip and stayed perfectly next to each other. As the non-participative observer, I saw this car-body language and instantly leapt to two conclusions:

1) They suddenly made friends and were talking through their windows, or
2) They were threatening to kill each other.

Either way, this stretch of road is bringing people together!

PS-When I first stopped I had to turn left in 1 mile, so I had every reason to be in the left lane. I thought that as I stopped behind the truck. But if I had been in the proper lane I would have blocked the silver car and, thus, the race. Perhaps it was DESTINY.