How is Science?

“The writing process” by Jack Mack

- write 1-2 sentences
- re-read sentences
- erase most of first sentence and re-write
- think “I should find a citation for this”
- look up a citation by attempting to search through all the published literature in the discipline looking for the single most relevant example
- find an interesting article and begin to read it
- get inspired by some idea that is completely tangential to the original topic. write it down, don’t want to forget!
- get up to get a drink of water, think about new idea
- look in fridge
- “ugh, how long has this been in there?”
- put that back in there
- remember something I need to fix/buy/etc.
- write that down on a piece of paper somewhere
- think, I need to get back to work
- return to computer
- re-read sentences
- think “those are some pretty decent sentences.”
- oops, the verb tenses don’t match the rest of the paper
- change verb tenses
- think, “what was I going to write next? I had an idea.”
- check original outline
- see a topic on my original outline that I haven’t covered yet. “that’s ripe for some writing, maybe I can put that in here.”
- no, I can’t. it doesn’t make sense here
- start a new paragraph and write it down anyway. “I’ll use that later.”
- notice how much I have left to do
- “okay, let’s get down to business”
- get up to go to the bathroom
- pee, thinking “man I drink a lot of water when I write”
- realize that all the water is gone, so refill the cup
- notice dog
- scratch dog
- ask dog how his day is going
- tell dog I love him
- receive blank look from dog
- think of the perfect next sentence
- thank the dog
- return to computer
- forget perfect next sentence
- re-read sentences
- look at list of tangential ideas from “inspirations”
- none of that matters with what I’m writing
- look at outline, books, and journal articles until I see something related to what I’m writing
- in reading it, realize that some famous author has already written exactly what I’m writing, but better
- re-think entire topic/paper/career
- “whatever, I’ll just cite this and say that mine is adding something to it”
- find a relevant quote and use it as the next sentence
- write another sentence
- continue writing sentence
- continue, thinking “man, this is kind of a long sentence”
- remember something I previously read that I should cite in this sentence
- find reference I remembered
- cite it
- put a comma after the citation
- add the contradictory point to the other half of the sentence
- read sentence of extraordinary length, riddled with commas
- “this sentence is too long, I need to split it into two sentences”
- realize all my sentences are too long
- also they all use the same parallel construction
- also also they are all in the passive voice
- think “whatever, all stupid science writing is in the stupid passive voice and I like it anyway.”
- feel guilty because of Grammar
- page back through the paper and find a long sentence to split into two
- “now I have created two new sentences!”
- repeat

Free Association

The problem with coding qualitative research is that grammatical sticklers can miss the forest for the "dont"'s and the "alot"'s.


The Tits Group: not what you think.


I just noticed that my tag at the bottom of these posts where I note that the post talk about grammar, labeled "grammer police," is spelled wrong. I have decided to leave it this way because:
1. I like the irony.
2. Let this be a lesson to me all. Don't have hubris, Mack.
3. I don't feel like going back to change the previous posts.
Mea culpa, but if anyone asks in the future, refer to #1 and tell them it was on purpose.

Cashing my spell check

Today I had to tell my web browser to "Learn Spelling" of the words "Barack" and "Obama" so that they wouldn't show up as misspelled words. Microsoft Word, however, does not mark them as unrecognized words. They must have been included in some software update. Good for you, Microsoft Word! You've done it again.

"Hussein," on the other hand, was already in the browser dictionary, but "Saddam" was not, which is curious. Once again, Word recognized both.

No time like the presents

There is no time that I want to blog more than when I have something very important to do. I mean, desperately important. This struck often when I was studying for the GRE's (especially the night before), when I was filling out grad school applications (especially ON deadline day), and when I was writing my final paper last semester (again, especially on deadline day). In less than one hour a grad school is going to call me and interview me and decide if they want to allow me to pay money to them and move to their city and attend their classes. I haven't even gotten out a copy of my resume, let alone looked up the person who's interviewing me. I'm also hoping to grab a shower so I can feel fresh and focused. But before that, I have a few things I want to get off my chest.

It's really been bothering me lately when people mispronounce words and phrases, especially things where the meaning has remained essentially the same but the phrase has been warped.

A perfect example. How do you pronounce (and/or spell-out) the abbreviation etc.? Seriously, think about it. We know what it means, we say it quickly, write the abbreviation, and don't think about what it actually IS.

Most people say excetera. It's not that. It's et cetera. Two words, Latin for "and the rest" if I'm not mistaken. And there's a T in there, not an X. Now, it doesn't change the meaning, you can write the abbreviation just as easily, but you can now speak the phrase correctly. It's so easy. It will be noticed appreciated by the people who are in the know, which now includes you.

Other good examples:
- take it for granite = take it for granted.
- for all intensive purposes = for all intents and purposes.
- (just because I work at a coffee shop) expresso = esspresso.


After a grammar-police missive like this I'm tempted to say "watch your p's and q's," but that's another story.

Love, Jack

If you're not outraged, you're probably thinking about something else that's more important to you (and maybe the world in general)

You are currently reading my blog! That puts you into the category of "people who read my blog," so I can assume that you know all about me. So of course you know that I have been working at Starbucks for a while. It's funny how adamantly some people feel about my job! I'm just trying to make a dime, work with my friends, and get some help paying for health insurance. Some people are so against me working for what they see as the "big evil corporate machine" that they try and to proselytize about it, or at least scoff at the idea that I like my job. Someone told me once that it was "like selling out" (they were in the store, mind you). Let me tell you people, first of all it's a good company to work for (it's not nearly as evil as Wal-Mart, for example). They take GREAT care of their employees and have excellent quality control to make that latte worth $4. Second of all, I don't freaking care. I'm so sick of the "if you're not outraged, you're not paying attention" mentality. I work hard to make the world a better place. I'll work on what I think is important with my skills, and you work on your part with your skills, and between all of us things will get better all over. I'm a good friend, a good employee, a good student, and when I get to work in psychology I feel that I'm doing more good for the world than a million bumper stickers. Your favorite local coffee shop (or other cool indie business) doesn't give health insurance to their employees, their employees all drive to work in gas-guzzling cars, and they probably use bad grammar, so don't pretend they're perfect because they're indie and get all righteous on me.

There, I've said it, now I don't need to say it again. I really don't get upset about what other people think. I really don't care very much. I don't even drink coffee. As Andrew Bird so incisively put it, "Listen up, I just work here."

Changing gears, I had an interesting epiphany while at work the other day. When one works the register at Starbucks, one is supposed to greet the customer as he or she enters the store or approaches the till. You end up saying the same thing over and over, so you look for ways to make it a bit different. Ask them how their day is if you need an extra few seconds to finish something up. Save "greetings!" for an older or more distinguished looking customer who will enjoy it more than a casual "hey there!" And occasionally I like to bust out a rarity in this region, "howdy!" I was thinking about the etymology of that word, and I realized it is probably a very simple derivation of "how do you do?"

How do you do --> How doya do? --> Howdy do? --> Howdy!

I came home and looked it up and hell yeah I was totally right! At the time I shared my revelation with my coworkers. Nobody was impressed.

For a minute there, I lost myself

Today I was driving a car on the road and I saw a sticker. It was on the bumper of the car in front of me and was very easy to read when I was stopped at a red light. It said ONE LESS SUV.

I liked the idea. The car was a sensible sedan and the girl driving the car looked fairly crunchy. If I had a car with which I felt inclined to communicate, I might wish for it to say the same thing. But I would not have it speak the same way.

I would want it to say "ONE FEWER SUV."

Then I thought of Radiohead's "Karma Police" in my own special way...

Grammar police, arrest this man, he talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge, hes like a detuned radio
Grammar police, arrest this girl, her Hitler hairdo, is making me feel ill
And we have crashed her party
This is what you get, when you mess with us

I SWEAR TO YOU I AM NOT LAME.

Don't be afraid of "me"

Listen up, users of English. I'm looking particularly hard at users of the internet who post pictures for the public to view. I am tired of being offended. I'm sick of all the obscenity. The assault on my eyes, mind, and sense of decency has gone on long enough, and it's time to set you all straight.

This is a brief synopsis on when to use "I" versus "me."

Don't worry about the actual rule, I'll teach you a simple trick that is accurate 100% of the time. All you have to do is take your sentence and make it as simple as possible. Take out any extra people's names, places or times. Then look to see if your I/me use makes sense. When you add the other people back in, put your name at the end.

So:
"Ashley, Kelly and I at midnight at the pool in Cancun! Wooo!"
becomes....
"I at the pool!"
Does that sound right? No, instead you would say Me at the pool or if it's clearer This is a picture of me at the pool. (It should not sound right to say "This is a picture of I at the pool." That doesn't work ever.) Make sense? The caption should read...
"Ashley, Kelly and me at midnight at the pool in Cancun! Wooo!"

Let's try another:
"In this picture me and Tiffani are at the bar."
Now this one would be simplified to Me am at the bar which is totally wrong unless you're in Bizarro World. Of course you would say I am at the bar. So then simply add the other name with yours at the end:
"In this picture Tiffani and I are at the bar."
HOWEVER...
It would be wrong, and arguably worse, to have the caption be "Tiffani and I at the bar." Why? Because that would be simplified the same way as the first example: "This is a picture of I at the bar." You would say "This is a picture of me at the bar" and thus you would say "This is a picture of Tiffani and me at the bar" or simply "Tiffani and me at the bar."

That is the number one mistake of this kind that I notice: people who know that there is a difference between "I" and "me," and think that "I" is supposed to be more proper, so they use it when they actually would have been right using "me."

Is this making sense?

Just make the sentence as clear and simple as possible, then look at your pronoun choice. Why don't you try some with this random girl's pictures I found on myspace (I don't know her):
Jenn and I at Club Sin- yeah we know we look good:)
Jenn, Ash, and I before a night out in Toledo
Me and the girls in Key West:) We had so much fun!

Did you get them? In all three cases the correct pronoun choice was "me!" See? Don't be afraid of "me," it's more proper than "I" in myriad circumstances. Now go out there and properly label things, and use the same trick to speak good too!

6R4MM3R 15 C00L!